ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
