38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
