Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Randomize
