Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
