every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
