I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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