we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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