Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
