i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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