I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
