I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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