I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
