literally had 100 drinks last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Who died my cat blue again?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
