She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
