I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Acid is not a monday night drug
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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