Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
