I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
