u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
