If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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