Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Pants are for mortals
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
