Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
