We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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