By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
