just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
