you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
