my mouth tastes like poor choices
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think i have herpe
just one?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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