You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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