? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
