Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
