so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
