Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
