HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
