worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
