girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
