yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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