found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
