She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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