There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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