I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
