hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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