Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
