just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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