I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
