we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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