I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
