so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
