I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
