Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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