They should really pass out barf bags in church
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
