I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
