ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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