I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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