Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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