Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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