I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
