You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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