I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
