She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
