i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
