pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There r osticjed everywhere
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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