pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
how does that bad decision feel?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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